Kim isn't even TRYING!

Kimberly Noel Kardashian-Thomas-Humphries has quit on us. I am PISSED! I've really just had enough of all this mediocrity from our former icon. She technically quit right around the same time she started calling everything she did "#Iconic". Let's break this down.





Kim had no ambition in the beginning, so she married just anybody -some guy named Damien that no one even knows anymore. No one cared. She didn't even care! So, that marriage ended pretty quickly. (Not as quickly as her NEXT marriage... just saying)

Then, her MOM sold her sex tape and brokered a television show. Kim half-assed it for awhile, which okay, thats fine because technically half of her ass is still substantial. Then, she totally gave up. She was dating a football player and thought they would get married, but she didn't really try at that relationship, either, so he walked off and settled down with the very next bitch who smiled at him.

Next, she slept with a ton of different people and finally decided that Kris Humphries was a good call (Well, her mom probably decided this). She tried her ASS OFF! This was the best she'd ever looked. The most we ever saw her on the show, and she treated it as though she were really getting married! I don't know WHY people insist she can't act. HELLO? She fooled all of her family and friends into buying wedding gifts and attending wedding functions and Khloe even believed her enough to bother feuding with the guy. Guess what though, she didn't try THAT hard because after they got married she wouldn't even move in with him. Then, she gave up altogether and filed for divorce.

NOW, the bitch has completely given up. Totally. She started hanging out with Kanye West and she threw away all of her clothes.  She let him paint a crop top on her and then she even gave up waiting for the ring. Women everywhere were perplexed! What the hell is this bullshit? Why does she keep wearing caged booties and ill-fitted fugly dresses. Hey, we don't want to emulate this crap! She just let him impregnate her. So CASUAL! She just threw her dreams out of the window. POOF! It was all downhill from there.


She got pregnant and didn't even try. She just gained every pound she could find. Kanye dressed her like Free Willy and then a couch. Then, she gave up PREGNANCY! She let her doctor induce her a month early.

She gave up any form of humility calling herself "ICONIC" and trying to force her way onto the cover of Vogue and into photos with Beyonce who couldn't be bothered.  She tried her hand at motherhood for about 3 months, then she gave up on THAT, spurring the nickname IgNori West. Cute baby name, huh? Next, she gave up QuickTrim.

You can't sit with us!

Concurrently, she gave up her reality show. Have you noticed she's RARELY on it? Like, RARELY? It's basically just about her mother with a little dedication to trying to make the Jenner kids happen. Stop trying to make "fetch" happen. Okay, so far we've covered a TON of things Kim is no longer giving any effort, but what about US?!

Seriously, we try our asses off! Some of us, literally. Kim tries on her SIXTH WEDDING DRESS (assuming she already has one for her latest wedding) and suddenly she's on the cover. Meanwhile, I am out here sweating my ass off tanning in the nude, reading classic novels, writing amateur pop culture articles, and trying to appear patient as I wait for my goddamn engagement ring. So--- EXCUSE ME VOGUE MAGAZINE! If you woke up and decided to put a BASIC on the cover this month, there are about a million girls just like me who are working ourselves TO THE BONE. You could have picked us. You could have stayed classy and put fashion icons on the cover of your magazine. You could have stuck to your guns and continued your boycott on all things Reality Television, but you DIDN'T! So to borrow a famous quote from someone who actually belongs on the cover of Vogue: